11.30pm
Both kids are still awake. Sara is still very active. Playing and doing her gymnastics on the bed. Amira is wide awake because she ‘napped’ half and hour earlier. Ok, she didn’t nap, she went to bed but Sara’s excitement woke her up.
I was feeling defeated. I was tired. All I wanted to do was to relax and have a good sleep for a productive day tomorrow.
But I couldn’t.
So I pretended to sleep on the bed while the kids were busy exploring their physical capabilities. Amira was climbing on me to try to stand up. Sara was rolling over my legs.
Bloody. Hell.
I don’t care, I want to sleep.
So I tried, but I couldn’t. I was starting to get really annoyed they took MY time. Instead of yelling at them, I decided to give myself a therapy. So I closed my eyes and fantasized.
I fantasized myself living in a parallel universe where I never had kids. Where when I was 23, I was mature enough not to be pressured by my mom to have kids. Where I was sane enough not to think I could handle kids. Where I knew that having kids won’t change someone who is not a baby person. That I wish I knew, how having kids could rob you of your freedom because your mom always said that you can still do whatever u want despite having kids.
What a bunch of bull.
Then I fantasized about how my life would have been had I never had kids. I long for days where I can actually relax after a long hard day at work. I can do the chores in one hour, and then have another 2 hours to myself before going to bed. The bliss of not having to worry about an actual person’s volatile emotional state (such as of a toddler). These thoughts are dangerous as it can stem into wishful thinking..
Suddenly, as I lay on the bed. Amira climbed on me and kissed me with her messy saliva. Sweet, and gross at the same time. and I said, “Amira, stop kissing me, get off me.” Then, Sara came over and said, “I want to kiss you, mama”.
“No, Sara, don’t kiss me.” I said. I just wanted to be left alone.
“Mama taknak kawan Sara ke?” She asked.
“Bukan mama taknak kawan, mama taknak kiss” I explained.
“Ala… bolehlah kiss… Sara nak kiss mama”
“hmm ok”
“OK!” she said excitedly. She hurriedly kissed me.
I felt butterfly in my tummy. I felt a light in my dark heart, for a brief moment.
12:30 AM. Kids are finally asleep but I found myself still awake. I have made a promise to myself not to feed on negativity, but on some days it is very very hard. I have also pledged to myself to pray more. Seems like everything else is too ‘wordly’ of a matter.
I distracted myself with iPad entertainment until I was sleepy again and went to bed. Well, here’s to another day to survive.
buy cialis online canadian pharmacy AMPH induced dopamine efflux is central to the abuse liability of the stimulant
I work as a lecturer at a Bible study school for adults, and I was thinking of serving our visitors dark roast coffee once I’ve bought the supplies. I found it quite interesting when the article mentioned that this kind of roast is quite effective in stopping the thickening and buildup of amyloid-beta proteins and tau proteins in the brain, two of the most dangerous proteins that contribute to the development of Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s. I’ll keep this in mind while I look for a dark roast coffee supplier to contact soon.Increases heart health: The antioxidants in chocolate have been shown to lower blood pressure, reduce the risk of clotting and increase blood circulation to the heart, thus lowering the risks of stroke, coronary heart disease and death from heart disease.Thanks so much for this post!Great web site you have here..The clearness in your post is simply nice. Wonderful information and quality article.More than happy to recommend and get people to binge on the best chocolates.Your review is vicariously enjoyable! I have never met chocolate that I wouldn’t eat, so I enjoyed your subjective standards.All great choices and I would love to see a list of some smaller bean to bar companies.
First of all, thank you for your post. baccaratsite Your posts are neatly organized with the information I want, so there are plenty of resources to reference. I bookmark this site and will find your posts frequently in the future. Thanks again ^^
🙂
As I am looking at your writing, [url=https://toolbarqueries.google.li/url?q=https%3A%2F%2Fmajorcasino.org/%2F]safetoto[/url] I regret being unable to do outdoor activities due to Corona 19, and I miss my old daily life. If you also miss the daily life of those days, would you please visit my site once? My site is a site where I post about photos and daily life when I was free.
I’ve been troubled for several days with this topic. baccaratsite, But by chance looking at your post solved my problem! I will leave my blog, so when would you like to visit it?
Do you mind if I quote a couple of your articles as long asI provide credit and sources back to your website?My blog site is in the very same niche as yours and my users would certainly benefit from some of the information you present here.Please let me know if this okay with you. Thanks!