Breastfeeding is an emotional journey. Your body is not yours and clothing choices are limited to ones with nursing access. Your baby is your timer.

Although my milk supply is low, Amira still won’t accept any type of formula milk from the bottle. After 7 months I stopped expressing milk at work as it was too challenging. I was hoping my milk supply would deminish due to lack of demand, but 5 months later I still find Amira attached to my breasts with no signs of weaning off. *sigh*

To me, it’s unbearable, I so desperately want to wean her off. I’ve tried many things to wean her but all were unsuccessful attempts. If anything, it made her even more upset and it feels like it gets harder every time.

I am so frustrated because while I was pregnant I told her to be the kind of baby who doesn’t care what kind of milk to eat. But noooo she did not turn up that way. Now I’m convinced all those pregnancy talk is a bunch of bullshit people tell you to make you feel better and get through pregnancy. One of many, many parenting scams. Aha!

Anyway.. As I was convinced I am in a deep shit hole (lol), I can see a little bit of hope.

On Saturday night, she woke up at around 2am. And she took a bottle of formula milk, with no fight! OMG I was so so happy. Although.. the next day, she was back to seeing the bottle as her nemesis. but yeah, I just want to cling on to the fact that she CAN but she just won’t.

Alsoo.. in addition,

A kind mother has offered to donate her extra breastmilk. Oh, I am ever so thankful!! Amira was fine taking breast milk in the bottle so I hope that she can accept it. I mean, it has been months since she took a bottle. So yesterday we met the family and they are such such wonderful people. They also have an older son which is turning 5 and Sara and him just hit it off.

I know that Amira will eventually wean off. It’s just that I feel this immense feeling of torture breastfeeding her. However, getting the donated breastmilk somehow gives me hope. Maybe I can use this to slowly transition her to accept milk in a bottle and eventually whole/formula milk.

Here’s hoping to a better (happy) future.

p.s, I’m sorry if this post seems very negative. I am in no way condemning breastfeeding as I know it is best for baby. but hey, this is a personal outlet to express my feelings. I’m pretty sure my husband had heard enough of just how much I desperately need to stop breastfeeding. So..

ok bye.